Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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