She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
