Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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