Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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