Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
