your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
