i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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