just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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