I puked a lego.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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