i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
