then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
