were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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