last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
