no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
