Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
