Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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