if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't shave. On purpose
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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