If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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