how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
NoShamevember. You game?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
