were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
