she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
