Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
