Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
