I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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