She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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