i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
