I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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