I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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