just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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