Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
