Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
