My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
