I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
