You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
