Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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