My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
