I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
