I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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