I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
