nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
