Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
