Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
