you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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