I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
