That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
