I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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