God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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