from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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