hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
