I skipped work to stalk him.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
