Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
where are my eyebrows?
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