Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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